Coralville Public Library's Teen Zine
Numb by Caitlin
As I walk through the schoolyard,
I veer off towards the cold, chain-link fence.
I look down at the shining, wet cement,
as I step over the cracks with my
graffiti clad Converse.
I raise my hand, and run my fingertips
along the fence.
The black flecks of fingernail polish on my nails
gleaming in the newly setting sun.
I can feel my fingers starting to go numb
as I continue walking, dragging my hand over the
cold fence.
I then realize that I wish the rest of me could just
go numb.
Stop feeling.
Stop feeling everything.
The breeze.
My hair flying across my face.
The pain.
The pain inside.
The pain of wanting to be someone else.
I can't feel my fingers anymore.
All I can feel is the cold metal that is running
underneath my fingers.
I look up into the vermillion sky,
and see the clouds that are on fire.
And notice that it reflects my heart.
Fire. Passion. Burning. Longing.
I give a small sigh, and wander off towards the swings,
towards the happy, smiling memories of second grade.
Such as when Mary fell off the swing, or when I found that
I could hang backwards, and feel like I was flying.
I run my hand over the blue rubber seat, and
down the worn, thick chains.
Touch the smooth, dark blue paint
that covers the frames of the swingset..
That feeling of wishing I was numb
comes back, as I pass the metal web.
Remembering all of the fun I used to have.
And all of the emptiness I have now.
What I see, is like watching a movie.
I see me, as a little happy six year old,
chasing my friends around the playground.
Laughter. Smiles. Giggles. Fun.
Nothing I have now..
All I wish..
is that I was
Numb.
-Caitlin
"Bloody but beautiful, we the three, falling from heaven."